Have you ever wanted something so badly, and spent years envisioning it, working really hard to make it happen and logging some serious hours of blood, sweat and tears?
One of my favorite parts of my job is getting to be a guardian, witness and champion to women’s hopes and dreams. I am constantly in awe of how dedicated and persistent women can be.
Whether that is the ache to become a mother, the motivation to create a successful business, the longing for healthy life partnership, the freedom to break out of a painful psychological pattern or the desire to heal a chronically troubled relationship, what we WANT matters.
It is on the journey toward what we want, whether we achieve it or not, where we discover the depth of who we are and what we’re made of.
It can be so easy to fall into the trap of “someday” thinking. I’ll be happy when…I’ll feel proud of myself when…I can finally relax when…I will be fulfilled when…
And yet as we trick ourselves into thinking that those destinations are the most important thing, we can naturally fall into missing the exquisite details of what it takes to get there and how we are transformed along the way.
A mentor of mine once said to me, “Emma, we don’t set goals to necessarily achieve them, but rather because we want to morph and shift into becoming the person that will be required should we attain our outcome along the way.”
When she shared this with me I had a lightbulb moment.
I did not become a therapist only as a career achievement, but rather because I wanted to undergo the metamorphosis of what it took to become a therapist and how that has fundamentally changed my personhood.
I did not become a mother solely to check off the box of parenthood, but rather because I wanted to discover and encounter who I was in the continual unfolding of that role and relationship.
If you flash on anything you have in your life right now that feels established, can you remember a time when you didn’t have it, and it was just a dream?
Can you recall everything that it took to get from there to here and how even if it was painful and laborious, how valuable the process was?
If you are finding yourself in the middle, wondering, waiting, anticipating that which you want and has not yet arrived, this is a sweet little reminder that you are not alone and you are not only defined by the concrete and tangible outcomes of your life.
The bulk of the richness is happening right now, not later, not someday, but right now.
Two Questions for You:
- How are you becoming more of the person you long to be right now?
- If you temporarily suspended the need to be anywhere other than where you currently are, how might you perceive this moment and yourself differently?
Regardless of whether or not the day will come when you have what you long for, you have the opportunity to encounter yourself right here, as you are, and to feel the depth of what you’re made of.
As always, I’m wishing you my heartfelt strength and care for wherever you are on the journey.
P.S. Speaking of wanting things and the blood, sweat and tears it can take, my podcast baby is nearing her due date and will be coming VERY SOON, so please keep an eye out in your inbox as you will be the very first to know once she has arrived and is ready for your listening ears!